I ordered the book "Mak.ing Bab.ies" for a ridiculously cheap price. It came in the mail yesterday and I started browsing it immediately. This morning I was able to skim through the rest and I'm really glad I got it! I love the East-meets-West collaboration between the two authors. It makes for a pretty well-rounded perspective. It seems to strike a nice balance between too granola or too clinical. I reviewed the section that helps you identify your "type" and I am definitely "stuck." I kinda love the fact that they divide fertility into different sections because women are not the same and it personalizes the program much more than the generic approaches I often read in other books. Several sections are not at ALL like me, so its neat that I can really zero in on what could work best for me.
So far it looks great and I'm excited to plow through the rest of it :)
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
November 10, 2010
October 01, 2010
(Lesbian) Perfection Not Required
I recently found this article in my Google Reader and it really hit home. At first I thought it was about having a baby later in life since its titled "Don't Wait Too Long" but really- it examines why we don't need to be perfect before we begin TTC.
Reading this was very enlightening because I often feel as though I need to meet certain standards before we can start attempting to have a kid; as if I don't deserve a family unless the stars have perfectly aligned. When I envision our TTC journey, I always imagine being married and having the perfect job, perfect house, perfect car, perfect insurance coverage, etc etc. I suppose I always figured everything else would need to be "in order" beforehand, or else I'd be a bad parent.
Interestingly enough, this morning as I was reading my newly purchased (on half.com for $0.88. Score.) copy of The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth- I noticed that the author delves right into this topic, elaborating on how it specifically applies to the lesbian community:
"Due to cultural homophobia, internalized homophobia, and the lack of easy access to sperm, women without male partners have to claim their right and renew their commitment to have children at each step toward getting pregnant...Often lesbians feel they must be perfect before they parent, not only to provide the best for their children, but also to prove to everyone who may wonder whether lesbians...can be excellent mothers. This self-expectation of being 200% perfect can reveal itself in various forms."
I've dealt with my share of internalized homophobia and am pretty aware of how it affects my life overall. I also know it plays a role in the whole TTC process, but I figured it was just because of how much it complicates the actual process of having babies and the ensuing legal crap. I suppose I really hadn't considered how much said homophobia has influenced my idea of what it means to be "ready" to start a family. But after reading both the aforementioned article and book, I'm beginning to understand that I might be setting the bar a little too high. I realized that I truly do have this underlying need to prove that just because I'm a lesbian and don't have a husband to give sperm whenever I want it, that doesn't mean I am any less deserving or capable of having children and being a good parent.
Now that I am equipped with this new knowledge, I already feel less pressure and anxiety about starting a family. Perhaps I don't need to be perfect afterall.
Reading this was very enlightening because I often feel as though I need to meet certain standards before we can start attempting to have a kid; as if I don't deserve a family unless the stars have perfectly aligned. When I envision our TTC journey, I always imagine being married and having the perfect job, perfect house, perfect car, perfect insurance coverage, etc etc. I suppose I always figured everything else would need to be "in order" beforehand, or else I'd be a bad parent.
Interestingly enough, this morning as I was reading my newly purchased (on half.com for $0.88. Score.) copy of The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth- I noticed that the author delves right into this topic, elaborating on how it specifically applies to the lesbian community:
"Due to cultural homophobia, internalized homophobia, and the lack of easy access to sperm, women without male partners have to claim their right and renew their commitment to have children at each step toward getting pregnant...Often lesbians feel they must be perfect before they parent, not only to provide the best for their children, but also to prove to everyone who may wonder whether lesbians...can be excellent mothers. This self-expectation of being 200% perfect can reveal itself in various forms."
I've dealt with my share of internalized homophobia and am pretty aware of how it affects my life overall. I also know it plays a role in the whole TTC process, but I figured it was just because of how much it complicates the actual process of having babies and the ensuing legal crap. I suppose I really hadn't considered how much said homophobia has influenced my idea of what it means to be "ready" to start a family. But after reading both the aforementioned article and book, I'm beginning to understand that I might be setting the bar a little too high. I realized that I truly do have this underlying need to prove that just because I'm a lesbian and don't have a husband to give sperm whenever I want it, that doesn't mean I am any less deserving or capable of having children and being a good parent.
Now that I am equipped with this new knowledge, I already feel less pressure and anxiety about starting a family. Perhaps I don't need to be perfect afterall.
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