It has been over three years since I started this blog. Back then, I really wanted children. I still do. But Pru and I have had a lot of decisions to make and having children just never made sense. We knew that one day we'd try to start a family, but it always seemed something in the distance future.
Until now.
Yesterday at brunch, I mentioned to Pru that I'd really like us to start having a conversation about getting ready to have kids. She said okay. Simple as that. She's not ready. Neither am I. But we're ready to BE ready. We're ready to talk about money and logistics. We're ready to finish the research I started so long ago and contact our doctor and set a "start date."
She has a great job. I will be starting school next semester to completely change careers. Is the timing perfect? Nope, not at all. But it will never be perfect. It just needs to be good enough. And we believe that it is.
Finally.
Showing posts with label ttc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ttc. Show all posts
November 17, 2013
October 01, 2010
(Lesbian) Perfection Not Required
I recently found this article in my Google Reader and it really hit home. At first I thought it was about having a baby later in life since its titled "Don't Wait Too Long" but really- it examines why we don't need to be perfect before we begin TTC.
Reading this was very enlightening because I often feel as though I need to meet certain standards before we can start attempting to have a kid; as if I don't deserve a family unless the stars have perfectly aligned. When I envision our TTC journey, I always imagine being married and having the perfect job, perfect house, perfect car, perfect insurance coverage, etc etc. I suppose I always figured everything else would need to be "in order" beforehand, or else I'd be a bad parent.
Interestingly enough, this morning as I was reading my newly purchased (on half.com for $0.88. Score.) copy of The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth- I noticed that the author delves right into this topic, elaborating on how it specifically applies to the lesbian community:
"Due to cultural homophobia, internalized homophobia, and the lack of easy access to sperm, women without male partners have to claim their right and renew their commitment to have children at each step toward getting pregnant...Often lesbians feel they must be perfect before they parent, not only to provide the best for their children, but also to prove to everyone who may wonder whether lesbians...can be excellent mothers. This self-expectation of being 200% perfect can reveal itself in various forms."
I've dealt with my share of internalized homophobia and am pretty aware of how it affects my life overall. I also know it plays a role in the whole TTC process, but I figured it was just because of how much it complicates the actual process of having babies and the ensuing legal crap. I suppose I really hadn't considered how much said homophobia has influenced my idea of what it means to be "ready" to start a family. But after reading both the aforementioned article and book, I'm beginning to understand that I might be setting the bar a little too high. I realized that I truly do have this underlying need to prove that just because I'm a lesbian and don't have a husband to give sperm whenever I want it, that doesn't mean I am any less deserving or capable of having children and being a good parent.
Now that I am equipped with this new knowledge, I already feel less pressure and anxiety about starting a family. Perhaps I don't need to be perfect afterall.
Reading this was very enlightening because I often feel as though I need to meet certain standards before we can start attempting to have a kid; as if I don't deserve a family unless the stars have perfectly aligned. When I envision our TTC journey, I always imagine being married and having the perfect job, perfect house, perfect car, perfect insurance coverage, etc etc. I suppose I always figured everything else would need to be "in order" beforehand, or else I'd be a bad parent.
Interestingly enough, this morning as I was reading my newly purchased (on half.com for $0.88. Score.) copy of The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth- I noticed that the author delves right into this topic, elaborating on how it specifically applies to the lesbian community:
"Due to cultural homophobia, internalized homophobia, and the lack of easy access to sperm, women without male partners have to claim their right and renew their commitment to have children at each step toward getting pregnant...Often lesbians feel they must be perfect before they parent, not only to provide the best for their children, but also to prove to everyone who may wonder whether lesbians...can be excellent mothers. This self-expectation of being 200% perfect can reveal itself in various forms."
I've dealt with my share of internalized homophobia and am pretty aware of how it affects my life overall. I also know it plays a role in the whole TTC process, but I figured it was just because of how much it complicates the actual process of having babies and the ensuing legal crap. I suppose I really hadn't considered how much said homophobia has influenced my idea of what it means to be "ready" to start a family. But after reading both the aforementioned article and book, I'm beginning to understand that I might be setting the bar a little too high. I realized that I truly do have this underlying need to prove that just because I'm a lesbian and don't have a husband to give sperm whenever I want it, that doesn't mean I am any less deserving or capable of having children and being a good parent.
Now that I am equipped with this new knowledge, I already feel less pressure and anxiety about starting a family. Perhaps I don't need to be perfect afterall.
September 17, 2010
Prepping the Body for Baby
I always knew that I wanted to have children. For many years I also assumed it would be something to happen just because I wanted it to. I was understandably naive to the troubles and drama of TTC. Within the last year, as my uterus started aching for babies, I began doing preliminary "research" on fertility, pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting (including following other lesbian TTC/family blogs- which are SO helpful its insane). Upon reading said literature, I realized that just having a kiddo by sheer force of will was impossible. I also realized that just having a kiddo on the first try was not likely. This was admittedly disappointing...
However, it also opened my eyes to the importance of preparing for a baby- not just emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and (of course) financially- but also physically. I've been chubby for the past decade and let's face it- college is not exactly a model of healthy living. Though I don't drink/smoke/etc anymore, I realize that those habits aren't the only ones worth breaking. Its a much more holistic picture that I need to be looking at- quite literally, head-to-toe. So I sat down and really started pondering the best way to approach a new, healthier life.
In February I joined Weight Watchers online and have since lost 60-ish pounds and several dress sizes (yay!). Starting in June, Prudence and I also began a training program called "Couch to 5k" and completed our first 5k race just this past Sunday (also, yay!). My life has reached a turning point and I know there's no turning back. At this point we're training for a 10k and my clothes just keep getting baggier. The way we eat is drastically different. For about 2 years now, we've been trying to "eat healthier" but we honestly had no idea what that meant. Through WW and a LOT of reading, reading, reading....I was able to really get a sense of what should be going in my body.
With that being said, my goal is to spend the next 2 years doing everything I can to create the healthiest body possible before trying to get preggo. I realize that won't guarantee instant success, full-term babies, easy pregnancy, seamless labors, or even a healthy babe...but I will feel much more at ease knowing I spent my time before, during, and after this experience actively taking care of my body.
However, it also opened my eyes to the importance of preparing for a baby- not just emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and (of course) financially- but also physically. I've been chubby for the past decade and let's face it- college is not exactly a model of healthy living. Though I don't drink/smoke/etc anymore, I realize that those habits aren't the only ones worth breaking. Its a much more holistic picture that I need to be looking at- quite literally, head-to-toe. So I sat down and really started pondering the best way to approach a new, healthier life.
In February I joined Weight Watchers online and have since lost 60-ish pounds and several dress sizes (yay!). Starting in June, Prudence and I also began a training program called "Couch to 5k" and completed our first 5k race just this past Sunday (also, yay!). My life has reached a turning point and I know there's no turning back. At this point we're training for a 10k and my clothes just keep getting baggier. The way we eat is drastically different. For about 2 years now, we've been trying to "eat healthier" but we honestly had no idea what that meant. Through WW and a LOT of reading, reading, reading....I was able to really get a sense of what should be going in my body.
With that being said, my goal is to spend the next 2 years doing everything I can to create the healthiest body possible before trying to get preggo. I realize that won't guarantee instant success, full-term babies, easy pregnancy, seamless labors, or even a healthy babe...but I will feel much more at ease knowing I spent my time before, during, and after this experience actively taking care of my body.
September 15, 2010
2013
I had originally mentioned beginning TTC in 2014. I think that may no longer be the case. Pru is pretty certain she'll be done with graduate school by 2012 and we want to get married in the fall of that year as well. Since my last blog post, we've talked a LOT more about starting a family and it would seem both of us are in favor of starting sooner, rather than later. So hopefully we're looking at a 2013 start to our 'project'! Its only a year difference, but thats a heck of a lot of time for my biological clock! The plan is still the same as far as IVF and we know money will be...an issue. But we also figure there's ultimately no price too high to pay for a family, right? This is very exciting news, indeed.
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