(Lesbian) Perfection Not Required

I recently found this article in my Google Reader and it really hit home.  At first I thought it was about having a baby later in life since its titled "Don't Wait Too Long" but really- it examines why we don't need to be perfect before we begin TTC.

Reading this was very enlightening because I often feel as though I need to meet certain standards before we can start attempting to have a kid; as if I don't deserve a family unless the stars have perfectly aligned. When I envision our TTC journey, I always imagine being married and having the perfect job, perfect house, perfect car, perfect insurance coverage, etc etc. I suppose I always figured everything else would need to be "in order" beforehand, or else I'd be a bad parent.

Interestingly enough, this morning as I was reading my newly purchased (on half.com for $0.88. Score.) copy of The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth- I noticed that the author delves right into this topic, elaborating on how it specifically applies to the lesbian community:
"Due to cultural homophobia, internalized homophobia, and the lack of easy access to sperm, women without male partners have to claim their right and renew their commitment to have children at each step toward getting pregnant...Often lesbians feel they must be perfect before they parent, not only to provide the best for their children, but also to prove to everyone who may wonder whether lesbians...can be excellent mothers. This self-expectation of being 200% perfect can reveal itself in various forms."

I've dealt with my share of internalized homophobia and am pretty aware of how it affects my life overall. I also know it plays a role in the whole TTC process, but I figured it was just because of how much it complicates the actual process of having babies and the ensuing legal crap. I suppose I really hadn't considered how much said homophobia has influenced my idea of what it means to be "ready" to start a family. But after reading both the aforementioned article and book, I'm beginning to understand that I might be setting the bar a little too high. I realized that I truly do have this underlying need to prove that just because I'm a lesbian and don't have a husband to give sperm whenever I want it, that doesn't mean I am any less deserving or capable of having children and being a good parent.

Now that I am equipped with this new knowledge, I already feel less pressure and anxiety about starting a family. Perhaps I don't need to be perfect afterall.