Lonely, Part 2

I wish there was some magical solution. I spend a lot of time trying to come up with the right mixture of activities and time spent out versus at home alone and I'm beginning to realize that no amount of social interaction will dissipate the loneliness. It runs much deeper than just being alone. I think what I miss the most about Prudence being unemployed is that she was around and she understands me. She can relate because we're in this life together and often when I'm with "real-life" friends, I feel like I am from another planet or something because I truly struggle to relate and connect.

We've been trying to come up with a schedule that allows us time together. I've been getting up super early so we can have coffee and breakfast together before she leaves. If she's not doing homework on her lunch break, we generally have a short text conversation just to check in and say hi. And since we used to run together every morning, we've switched that to when she gets home. I really enjoy that half hour because we are together and it gives me a little break from the dog (whom I spend all day with). The only crappy part is that by the time she gets home around 6:15pm, its already pretty dark out (and daylight savings hasn't even changed yet!) so its a little dangerous to run in the park. We are currently in the process of figuring out how to make that work- probably by switching to the city block that goes around the park. It doesn't have the same quiet and "isolated" feeling, but its well lit and probably much safer because of it. Either way, it feels good to know we're trying to make this work.

Thankfully, Pru recognizes that from my perspective, I'm watching her life happen exactly as she imagined it while impatiently waiting to go back to school next semester. I'm changing careers right now and my life feels totally all over the place. I have a general sense of direction, but its riddled with insecurity and fear. My last job was...traumatic. It completely derailed my life and led me to question all I knew about myself and where I wanted to go with my life. In retrospect, it was a blessing and I'll be eternally grateful that things unfolded the way they did. But the damage has been done and for now, I'm frantically trying to figure out what the next step is.